"KILLING OF THE CHILDREN"
by Clem Iron Wing, Randy Jones, Matthew Richter
copyright 1997
Little Owl's face flushed with anger and he spoke quickly , "So if that is where my ancestors are and where my family is, that is where I want to go because in my teachings there is no hell. When I die I will journey home and stay with my family for when I die I will have the opportunity to be with my family."
The boy's weight settled back onto his feet and he relaxed again squatting in the dust, "I will be able to travel with them as they have through the beginning of time."
He sat down on the dry earth and looked away from the twisting landscape before him then up at Fast Wolf, "I wish to know each of them for it is the uniqueness of their journey that will have the lessons which will help me to grow."
Fast Wolf didn't speak, but smiled at the boy.
Little Owl paused even though he knew an answer would not come from Fast Wolf's lips. Then, he turned his eyes back to the scene below him, speaking slowly this time,
"I never wanted to sit with their God but wanted to sit with my family while they journey back to the Source of Life. In the teachings of the Sioux it is considered evil to turn your back on your family. Because, if you turn your back on your family you will turn your back on the Great Spirit. In the traditional religious beliefs of our people the sacred symbol of the Medicine Wheel explains that we are all related and come from the Source of Life and by this we are all family. I wish never to deny my family and my family even includes those who held me for all those years in the boarding school."
Little Owl's face tightened in contrast to his eyes which drew moisture from within and he stared into the distance. His empty hand opened as if to let something go then he spoke softly but with the strength of a young man,
"To know my family is why I seek my vision quest. I do not live with the hatred of family in my heart but instead seek knowledge to bring my family back together again."
A gentle wind stirred the loose hair hanging from Little Owl's young head and woke him from the silence that he and Fast Wolf had shared looking out from their place of rest. They had spent many hours together like this, even when the only thing Little Owl knew was to wiggle and throw rocks into the deep ravine below.
It was Fast Wolf who spoke first,
"You have learned well and you know this anger does not belong in this world. You can learn that this anger you hold can be redirected to do some good."
Fast Wolf reached to the ground, then threw a stone into the wide space before them, "You are going to find out what happened to your relatives in the vision because they are all moving to the Great Spirit."
"For the last year we have talked of the vision quest and the many things you would seek on your vision. You are fortunate that you have a circle of family and friends to prepare you for this vision quest as now it will have meaning and truth. You will see many who do not have this circle and do not take the time to show the one who seeks that vision how to find the way on the path that they may walk within that vision to help others. They are left to only attempt the vision without guidance or understanding of who they are or where they are going. Common sense tells us that if you do not know who you are and where you are to journey how can you bring back the essence so it will be a benefit to others?"
Little Owl thought of his grandmother and the little children playing around the kitchen while soup bubbled before the meal. His throat tightened and he felt a lump where his breath had moved easily before.
Fast Wolf looked at him and saw how the boy's face held the open look of a child and the eagerness of a young man. He knew it was time again to speak of the many months the boy had spent away from his family while at the boarding school.
His voice reached out to his grandson,
"Some thing you will learn to seek is how to deal with the anger that lives inside you. It is an anger that will never go away but will always live there because it is a part of you. The human will use that anger to make the world a better place instead of using it as a destructive tool. When you journey in your vision you will view past wrongs done to us and you will see the wrongs done to all races. You can stand and say honestly in your heart that you have had past wrongs done to you."
Little Owl suddenly looked at his hands and picked at a small piece of rock between his tight fingers.
Fast Wolf continued, "But, in honesty you must know those past wrongs and look at the truth in how to deal with them. For if your fail to deal with the past wrongs done to your people and to yourself they will bring disgrace to a People who have quested through out their history to live as human beings.
Little Owl jerked his head up to the far horizon and stared into the thin line where sky met earth while Fast Wolf turned his head toward the boy,
"In your heart burns an anger. You have in you the anger for the way the Church had tortured you as a child. The memories of these religious groups are not of the kindness they ever showed you but of the cruelty. I have heard you talk of this many times."
He looked at Fast Wolf, "Why would this God hate me for loving my mother and father, my grandparents and all those who have brought me to this point from the Source? All I have in my heart is a child's love for his mother, grandmother and all of them."
Fast Wolf had a way of reaching beyond the tough outside that protected his grandson and hot tears leaped to Little Owl's eyes. He had grown to become a boy who was reaching beyond what he thought he knew. Little Owl blurted out the words but found they had softened immediately beyond the temper which he could easily find.
"Why are we being excluded? Why are we being called savages? Why is it that this God does not want us, yet the ones who talk of him have taken us away from each other? Why do these things happen just because they have labeled my people and my ancestors as savages for not believing in their ways?"
Fast Wolf knew what the boy asked of him and he quickly spoke,
"Tell them Little Owl what is in your heart they will hear you."
The boy looked into the great space at this feet and said with steady measured tones,
"I will not turn my back on my family or my ancestors and journey with you to another place I do not know or understand."
He paused. "I ask you to look at the Medicine Wheel of the Sioux which is one of our greatest religious symbols for it states we all belong equally in the Circle of Life. We have all journeyed from the Great Spirit making us all relatives and family. As one of his children who seeks to live as human I would never condemn you for walking your own path back to the Great Spirit. One of the most important teachings is that we are all individuals and we are all unique and must walk our own path. What you do is to take us forever away from our physical families and what this school teaches is to take us, in the spiritual life, away from our families."
His voice had lifted above the shifting ridges and slid down into canyons and ravines reaching into the patches of grass that drank only the morning dew knowing it was their last drink for many hours or many days or many weeks. Then the echoes fell silent.
The old man and the boy together held a firm unmoving silhouette against the sky for a long time before either spoke.
"When I made this statement to them I was beaten and forced to pray to this God who uses cruelty in his vision of family to gain honor."
The old man's heart leapt to cradle and protect the boy for an instant before he settled back to continue. He remembered what the boy had asked, what they had worked for the last year to understand and what now obviously called out to become real.
He spoke in a level voice, "When you remember their names, you remember them in sorrow. I ask you now, tell me the names of these haters and what you remember of them."
Little Owl searched for the words, while shame tore at his throat choking him to shut his mouth, to remain silent but he could not for it was Fast Wolf who stood here, the one who cared for him. Little Owl suddenly felt the voice of a young boy alone in a large dark room crying in the darkness surrounded by the cots of many children. His mind and heart struggled as he flooded with shame and sorrow. Little Owl drifted back to those memories and Fast Wolf could see that what had been pain of heartache on the boy's face was giving way to anger. The boy felt the anger swell in him forcing out everything else, then suddenly turn off like the sharp snap of a razor strap laid across flesh. The boy's face suddenly relaxed.
It was Little Owl who now spoke in a level voice, "Deacon Whitier, was a man who woke me every morning. I was hard of hearing and could not hear the bell he rang to wake the children. He would come to where I slept and hit me in the head with it. Padre Murphist, was also just as cruel but his form of cruelty was with a board taken from a barrel. At the school this was his favorite weapon to beat the children for speaking our own language. Reverand Shocky, was of German descent and from what we have heard of these people he brings honor to them. For the slightest mistake I was forced to come stand by his desk while he bent over and took from a drawer an electric cord. He would stand towering over me and demand that I hold my hands out so that he could beat them with that cord."
Little Owl continued in a strong sure voice, "Pastor Bride, was the head of these men and known for the variety of weapons he used to beat the children. His favorites were the razor strap and a wet braided rope that he snapped us with. The children were smart and could understand that after ten hits with the razor strap they would become numb. They learned to always choose it for their punishment."
The boy looked at Fast Wolf and frowned, "This is only part of why I feel anger. I have known anger when other boys were given a beating over and over with a strap right before us as we stood and watched the blows with silence. I have sat with the pain of an aching head with sore and aching welts on my hands. I have asked this question, 'Who gave them the right to beat me because of my love for my people's ways and for speaking my own language?' and I have gotten an answer.
Little Owl was still looking into Fast Wolf's wrinkled eyes when he said,
"They said it was their God"
"I knew from what they had done that it was their God who forced his will upon children through cruelty. A God who had no respect for family. Their God was bent on destruction of our family circles."
The old man's was silent while his soft brown eyes returned Little Owl's tortured gaze with the look of a grandfather's love for his grandson. The boy felt their warmth and encouragement and he continued,
"While we attended these schools the boys were imprisoned in one building and the girls in another. The only glimpses we had of them was when we were forced to march into the white man's church to pray to this God. The God who denied us the privilege that every brother and sister was entitled to. We wanted to live together, to play together sharing our hopes and dreams. We wanted to visit about our family at home and laugh together in the language we knew from those who love us. But we couldn't there was a God who kept us away from our parents for nine and ten months of a year."
The tightness in Little Owl's chest was giving way to a clear sad voice that was more like the thinking words of a man than of a boy.
"As time went on we saw we did not know our own who they were or what they had become. We began to loose touch with them, not really understand who they were. Sometimes when I wanted to see my mother's face I couldn't see her in my memory and I had the feeling of something missing where before I felt warmth with her memory. Then something crept over us that built a wall between us and we only knew our parents from the yearly journey home to some people who were called father, mother, sisters, brothers. They were our family but we did not know them except for a very short time."
Little Owl, stopped talking but Fast Wolf knew he had more to say and waited. A hardness was in the boy's voice when he continued,
"The meaning of a brother and sister was lost even though we were housed in the same compound. We were constantly watched. These boarding schools are designed to keep generations of children away from parents, brothers and sisters. The cold buildings were built in the manner of a prison. We were told we are redskin savages and forced to give up our ways. We were forced to live a life that was no different than a prison. To the Churches and religious sects it was their God's will and their desire to call us savages and turn around to treat us in such a cruel way.""I have asked myself why their God does this and the only reason is they were born Native American. I have watched the ones who are the priests and the women dressed in black who answer to them to see what they are about. I have looked so I could learn just as a mouse watches from his nest"
"I am curious because the way they live does not make sense. What kind of people are these who live with men and women separately denying their affection for each other, affection that is plain to see? Why do they kill the unborn baby that they produce? The ground at the cemetery is dug into a small grave but no one speaks of the death of a child. Is this a teaching of their God?"
Fast Wolf's own memories were stirred by the words of his grandson. He had seen these things too and asked the same questions. He nodded and looked into the ravine below them.
The boy continued, "Yes, grandfather there is damage in me and I know the ways of our people. All my life I have lived, up to this point, learning of them in secrecy that is the way our spiritual beliefs could survive."
Little Owl placed his open palm on his heart, "I know it is wrong to hate others for what they have done us, but it is an anger that burns within me and I must learn how to deal with it."
The boy looked at Fast Wolf and tilted his head in speaking to the old man, "I am only a child. I have not had the experience or wisdom that you have. This is why I seek the vision in which to learn and understand how to deal with these past wrongs of another race. I can, instead of seeing anger and hatred, see love and belonging."
Fast Wolf nodded while his grandson continued, "Yes, we have spent the last year talking of these things, talking, and you have given me many insights on how to deal with them. I have learned that to blame another is to be no different from those evil ones. When I seek the vision and if it is granted, I will ask the white man's God why did he send these people to destroy the family circle of Native Americans? Is it because they worship a man who had no circle of family living in a way that only half was there? Is it because the unwed woman who gave birth to their only qualified savior did not know of the meaning of the Circle of Life and the love of man and woman but thought only of the desires of the flesh?
Fast Wolf now looked at his grandson with the eyes of a teacher watching as the boy spoke of the questions that he had within him. The old man knew the answers were to come from Little Owl and he held his silence.
The boy motioned into the great span of space before him and the pair looked at a small puff of dust lazily settling across a ridge in the distance.
Little Owl spoke, "Why do these men and their God hate me for keeping true to the path that all those before me laid from the Source until now so that I may make the journey back to the Great Spirit? Is it because they have no family? Why have they denied them? Why do they have no clear path back to the Great Mystery that is called the Source?"
"I am saddened for these people. Their God has made it such that their Savior had never known the unity of family as he has only experienced the female half of a family."
The boy's face suddenly brightened, a smile rose gently to his features which had for the past minutes been anxious and he spoke,
"When I die I wish to die believing in my people's spiritual teachings for in them my family from the Great Source to now will be waiting on the other side for me. They will accept me with love and caring and show me all the experiences they have felt on that journey."
"The ones of the Churches have spoken of their hatred for me and of their desire for me to be tortured forever on the other side. They tried to force me to believe there will be people like them on the other side instead of my family. They would have me believe that these others will be there to ridicule, condemn and punish me for eternity.
Little Owl shook his head in pity for what he knew of these evil men, "In my heart the love of my people and the spiritual teachings can never be taken away. Yet, I will always remain in their mind, the savage, turned away by God and given to his evil brother."
Little Owl had a comfortable smile on his face as he continued,
"We do not believe in the evil spirits for the spirits are our families. We know the evil is in this physical world and comes from the ones who refuse to accept the teachings of those who have come before them. When we journey back we do not fear their talk of evil spirits. The evil lies in the religious person who tries to deny us our spiritual path back to the Great Spirit. Evil will only stay in the physical for that is where they have power and they cause misery and suffering. They stand outside the Circle of Life as out casts and they will watch us moving freely about. They will be caught by the ripples of what they have done until each of them is played out. They will have to experience the pain and suffering that we experienced at their hands in the physical. In this way they will begin to under stand that past wrongs must be addressed. In the spiritual world there is nothing hidden and the true heart of each individual is open for all to know and to see. The defenses and hiding places of the physical world are gone and all these things are stripped away. The honesty which is hard to find in this world can not be hidden in the next."
"Each spirit will journey as part of the family of the Great Spirit where they are accepted as whole each with unique gifts from the Source of Life with which to journey. The Great Spirit is the father and mother of all life who does not like to see his children abused. The Source has granted uniqueness, individuality and free will in which all people can grow."
"How will this evil man explain to the Great Spirit why he has chosen to destroy the free will and the child's desire to live the uniqueness of their own gifts. Does the Great Mystery who has made so many unique persons wish for us all to be like a flock a sheep who could not journey home with all the individual experiences he set us each here to have? When we make ourselves into the flock of sheep we have denied his purpose in each of us having existed. If so where would be the growth of the physical or the spiritual world? They would cease to exist for there would be no meaning or desire to experience only the desire to look act and be the same. The vision of the White Buffalo Calf Woman explains this very well."
A silence fell on little Owl after so many words had poured from his heart. He knew his grandfather had felt every one of them.
Fast Wolf, always the teacher, knew the next step and spoke,
"One of the things you will ask for is a better way to understand these people. In the vision you can ask why they give such honor to an unwed mother and then turn around and condemn that same unwed mother living in the physical world? Ask the spirits why the Churches have made a savior of a child that comes from a broken circle? Ask why these same religious people call a child without a father in this day a bad name? Do they secretly in their heart say that about their savior? Why do they not call their Savior a bad name and openly ridicule him? This savior was a creation of God don't they know that all children are a creation of God?"
Fast Wolf continued, "When these answers come to you then maybe you will understand why these people, in teaching such a degenerated religion, find it is so important to destroy the family unity of other cultures who believe in the Circle of Life. If they had the symbol of the Medicine Wheel as the Sioux have they would understand the unity of the man and woman who bring balance to the child creating a family. The child has the strength of the family as the Sioux always have in moving back toward the Source of Life."
Little Owl spoke, "I will ask many questions if I am granted the vision so that I may walk among the children of Mother Earth in unity rather than the way these people teach, saying God is on their side and minority children are to be taken away from their families and tortured until they have accepted this God. I will always follow the ways of our people and the teachings of the Great Spirit that have been passed down by the spirits of our people who are his children. I know that we are all related and that we all belong, not as anything less but as individuals, unique each in our own special way, all adding something to the Circle of Life."
"This is what I will quest for as I seek my vision. If I can learn how to bring back the children to the circle of life so that they will know that they belong. They will know they are equal and unique and that with them the circle of life will grow. If I could teach other children this then in my heart I know I can right the wrongs done to me."
Little Owl continued, "I do not remember their God they spoke of, but I do remember the hurt they gave in his name. I do not remember the teachings of their God but instead live with the memory of their cruelty. It is forever beaten into me and I know it is the expression of their God's love. It is the hurt and separation that is most important to them, that is their lesson because that is what they did, that is what they taught, that what stays with me and all of us from our time with them."
Fast Wolf nodded his head slowly and said,
"It is good that memory lives in your heart. As a man you will always watch out to find those who want to treat a child with cruelty. The reason for the vision is to see that the anger must live in your heart and be directed to the good. In the vision you will understand there will be a time and a place to confront those men. In that place you will stand equally with your people and they will stand equally with theirs. The lies will be taken away and the cruelty will be exposed for the evil that it is. But that is enough for now as that is why you seek the vision for dealing with past wrongs."
Little Owl did not pause before asking a question of Fast Wolf,
"Why is it that there are many who were born to our tribe who have turned their back on their family no longer questing to journey back to the spirit through family ties? Why have they left their people's teachings and religious ways? They have closed the path to the Great Spirit given to us by moving through family but instead have chosen another family. These people no longer claim our ancestors or our peoples ways. They openly follow the white man's ways. Is it that they have no shame or is it that they no longer truly believe in our people? If they did they would know that when they cross over they would see our people. How will they explain their shame by turning away from our beautiful ways and our beautiful culture? How can they walk the path of a Native American on the other side when they believe only in the white man's ways?"
Fast Wolf did not hesitate to answer,
"They are not Indian if they believe in the religious beliefs of another culture. They have become another, that is their choice. They will not see the Indian path but only the white man's and they will wander an unknown path looking until they have dealt with their shame. Only in the white man's world are they given status as Native Americans. Who among our people would say they are with us when they turn their backs on everything that we believe?"
He continued, "The white man will label, measure and judge them by the color of their skin, he will want papers declaring the divisions and creeds of their blood just as he does a horse when he buys and sells it in the sale barn. Who, with the dignity of an individual and the love of his family among our people would submit to this? You have seen how the horse works as an animal for the man just as the white man makes the Indian to be his curiosity, to entertain him. They will in the end reject the Native American no matter how much he gives away his will to be led by them because he is graded by the color of his skin, and his blood, like meat and no matter what he does he will be judged by them to be beneath the rest. The animal seeing them only as domesticated stock will tear them apart when he is ready to use them. But those are questions you will ask in your journey."
Fast Wolf drew a circle in the dry dust over which he had dropped easily to knees and he said, "Even though our people have held the oldest tradition, to the Sioux the Medicine Wheel is the same essence as the white man's bible. It explains the beginning and the end it explains all issues in the physical and spiritual. To the Sioux he can tell of the past and what is to come by the Medicine Wheel. But the fake Indian who walks among the white man these days says it's only meaning is the four directions. This man is not a Sioux and has no understanding of the religion of our people. He preys upon the ignorance of others. He doesn't understand that the people must come first or there is no meaning to the directions."
Fast Wolf held his tongue. He knew he was getting to the point where his grandson must answer his own questions. He looked at the boy with his hands on his knees and told him,
"As you sit there, keep your heart open and seek the knowledge. You will come to understandings. Look to see why one culture takes away individualism and becomes like the mindless animal who moves in a herd led by one dominant animal. It is a question the Sioux have always dealt with."
The sun had dropped low in the sky and was on their backs. Their shadows fell across two miles of ravines and canyons but lay still and perfect in the land stretching out before them. For this instant in the light of Father Sun, Little Owl could raise his arm and within the shadow laying beneath it embrace the highest and lowest of landmarks which tumbled before him. Little Owl gently waved his arm touching the ridge then touching the canyon bottom reflecting in perfect focus the outstretched arm of a boy.
He turned his head and watched as the old man rose next to him from where the boy had touched the highest and the lowest through sun and shadow. Fast Wolf looked down at his grandson and said with out hesitation,
"Little Owl it is time for you to seek the vision so you may learn the path in life you will walk. You must make a journey to the sacred Paha Sapa, for that is the home of your spirits."
The older man stretched out his hand toward the boy, "I give you this eagle feather, so that when you sit in solitude in those hills you will hold up this eagle feather and remember the stories of how brother eagle has carried the messages of our people from this world to the spirit world. In the trying times that lie ahead of you, you will know that your spirit is as free as brother eagle and can soar from the physical to the spiritual world. This will enable you to face your path in life."
With that he turned on one foot and simply walked away. Little Owl knew that his journey was to begin.
FIRST PAGE OF STORY,
"KILLING OF THE CHILDREN"
copyright 1997
This story is the property of the authors, Clem Iron Wing, Randy Jones & Matthew Richter and no part of this story may be copied, stored, posted, printed or distributed with out written permission.
